Hello dear ones!!!
Well, It was back to work for me today and another long work week ahead. Thanks to Minichick & Diana for checking in on me. I havent posted much....just not in the mood to be on the computer & feel like I have been nothing but a downer lately. Nobody likes that.
Anyways, not much going on here. Got myself back on track today with my eating so thats a good thing. I think my antidepressant is starting to kick in cuz I havent cried yet today, another good thing. I made an appt to get my nails done next Tues. My hubby told me that if it makes me feel better than I should go for it so I am excited about that. I used to get my nails done yrs ago and I just loved the way they looked. Yes, not a cheap date by any means but I think it will do me some good to do something nice for myself. I am about 5# away from Onederland. I got n the scale this morning & it said 205.5, up a little as I was down to 203.5, but thats ok. I didnt keep track of a thing last week with the funeral etc,so just gonna get back on the wagon. I know that I am going to be in the 190s by the end of this year and I am going to be in the 180s by the time our cruise rolls around in Feb. Its exciting to have my pants fitting better & I can see & feel a definite difference which is the push I needed to give me hope with my journey. I lost my sneakers so I am gonna have to buy a new pair so I can go to the gym. For the life of me I cant find them!!!
I hope you are all doing well. I miss reading all the blogs & am gonna try to catch up on all of your progress this week. Thanks again to everyone for your loving words & concern. You are all the best!!!!
Have a wonderful day!!
Love
Sherri
Monday, December 13, 2010
Wednesday, December 8, 2010
Update
Good morning!
Well, you just wont believe this..... I can hardly believe it myself. My best friend called me yesterday morning @ 730am as I was getting ready to walk out the door for work. She was crying. What she told me was something I never in a million yrs would ever expected to hear....and it rocked my world to the core of my being!!! She told me that her husband of almost 20 yrs committed suicide. He hung himself in their basement. She found him, had to cut him down with the help of their 16 yr old daughter & did CPR on him until paramedics came, but she knew he was already gone . He was an educated man, a good man....just distraught by financial woes & overwhelmed by family problems that they were going through. No note was left. Now my best friend is left a distraught widow with major financial issues as well as some chronic health problems that she has been dealing wtih for many years & 5 children as well as herself who are wondering why this happened & how they will pick up the pieces. He was only 49.
I ask for your prayers for her and her children. Her name is Laura. She and I have been best friends since our first day of nursing school. She is like a sister to me....we are truly "sisters by heart". We were each others maid of honors in our weddings. I was there for 12 hrs yesterday & am headed back there in a couple of hrs. to do whatever I can do. Right now I am trying to process this & decompress from the unbelievable sadness I am feeling for my best friend.I am at a loss of what to say. It is beyond me how & why this has happened. He wasnt the type of person to do something so irrational. He loved Laurie....he loved his kids. What was he thinking? Now they are left with a lifetime of sadness, guilt & a huge void that will never be filled. My heart is shattered for them.
I am sorry for yet another sad post.....but unfortunately this is my life lately. I saw my Dr today & he started me on an antidepressant. My husband has been absolutely wonderful & such a tragic situation has made me realize how precious, short & fragile that life is....and I am appreciating him more than ever and all of my blessings. My friend keeps asking for her husband to come back...I wish I had a magic wand to bring him back.
Well, you just wont believe this..... I can hardly believe it myself. My best friend called me yesterday morning @ 730am as I was getting ready to walk out the door for work. She was crying. What she told me was something I never in a million yrs would ever expected to hear....and it rocked my world to the core of my being!!! She told me that her husband of almost 20 yrs committed suicide. He hung himself in their basement. She found him, had to cut him down with the help of their 16 yr old daughter & did CPR on him until paramedics came, but she knew he was already gone . He was an educated man, a good man....just distraught by financial woes & overwhelmed by family problems that they were going through. No note was left. Now my best friend is left a distraught widow with major financial issues as well as some chronic health problems that she has been dealing wtih for many years & 5 children as well as herself who are wondering why this happened & how they will pick up the pieces. He was only 49.
I ask for your prayers for her and her children. Her name is Laura. She and I have been best friends since our first day of nursing school. She is like a sister to me....we are truly "sisters by heart". We were each others maid of honors in our weddings. I was there for 12 hrs yesterday & am headed back there in a couple of hrs. to do whatever I can do. Right now I am trying to process this & decompress from the unbelievable sadness I am feeling for my best friend.I am at a loss of what to say. It is beyond me how & why this has happened. He wasnt the type of person to do something so irrational. He loved Laurie....he loved his kids. What was he thinking? Now they are left with a lifetime of sadness, guilt & a huge void that will never be filled. My heart is shattered for them.
I am sorry for yet another sad post.....but unfortunately this is my life lately. I saw my Dr today & he started me on an antidepressant. My husband has been absolutely wonderful & such a tragic situation has made me realize how precious, short & fragile that life is....and I am appreciating him more than ever and all of my blessings. My friend keeps asking for her husband to come back...I wish I had a magic wand to bring him back.
Sunday, December 5, 2010
Just breathe.....
Good morning to my wonderful BFC girlfriends!!
I feel badly that I havent posted anything re: the BFC in a while. Im sorry my emotional baggage has gotten in the way here, but it feel cathartic to wrire about his and I am going out today to buy a journal so that I can write down my feelings as I deal with the immense healing that needs to happen in the future.
Every time I read your posts, they continue to bring tears to my eyes & make me realize that I am not alone & that I am so blessed to have you all in my circle. Things are calm here on the homefront but there is an emptiness in my heart that I just cant understand. Hes really trying hard & its nice to see the girls happy....but Im still not feeling happy inside. I feel such a HUGE void & while I believe I still love him, I am not sure if it will ever be the same. While I was in church this morning I could hardly concentrate on what the priest had to say. I am going to give the marriage counseling a good "go" but I just dont know what will transpire. Perhaps the years of abuse have taken their toll? I dont know. I truly think I need to get on the antidepressant asap to help with the ups & downs. My emotions are so labile throughout the day...I can look in the mirror or be driving and all of a sudden...BOOM...I am sobbing!!! The only way I can describe it is feeling "hollow" & just such an immense void. It is like nothing I have ever experienced before. I am looking forward to seeing my counselor on Wed. She makes me feel so much better when I talk to her. I am also desperately trying to dig seep into my faith to help me through this. I was crying yesterday afternoon when nobody was home & was feeling quite despondent. I kept asking God to take the hurt away & I felt compelled to reach for the Bible for his response to me. I used to do that yrs ago...when I wanted God to speak to me, I would just close my eyes, flip through the pages & wherever my eyes landed was what I felt he wanted me to hear. Yesterday, was no different. when I opened the book this is what I read.
I opened it to Isaiah, Chapter 43...Promises of Redeption & Restoration.
"Fear not, for I have redeemed you: I have called you by name and you are mine.
When you pass through the water, I will be with you: in the rivers you shall not drown.
When you walk through fire, you shall not be burned: the flames will not consume you.
For I am the Lord your God, the holy one of Israel, your savior.
Because you are precious in my eyes and glorious and because I love you.
Fear not, for I am with you."
This passage was exactly what I needed to hear!! I am Catholic & feel that I have been a woman of faith all my life. My parents raised us to be good people & to rely on your faith always. I remember in 2000 our parish had a "Mission". they had a priest come in from Cleveland who conducted the mission & it was amazing!It was filled with many different facets of spirituality such as love, healing, forgiveness etc. There is a song called "You are mine" and they played it on one of the nights of the mission and I can remember telling God that anytime he wanted to get my attention, when I heard that song I would know that he is speaking to me personally. Every time I hear the song, it brings tears to my eyes because it has such a powerful meaning in my life. The words taken from this passage are the words in the song "you are mine". Coincidence? I think not. I know that God is going to help me through this difficult time. I know that I am "in the palm of his hand".I am holding on tight to my faith.....and my friends.
Well...I better go be productive. Thanks so much for listening.
Love you all!!!
Sherri
p.s Special thanks to Lisa for your touching life experience that you shared in your last post. ((HUG)) You truly are a strong woman!!! I know that I am too. I just have to find myself again.
I feel badly that I havent posted anything re: the BFC in a while. Im sorry my emotional baggage has gotten in the way here, but it feel cathartic to wrire about his and I am going out today to buy a journal so that I can write down my feelings as I deal with the immense healing that needs to happen in the future.
Every time I read your posts, they continue to bring tears to my eyes & make me realize that I am not alone & that I am so blessed to have you all in my circle. Things are calm here on the homefront but there is an emptiness in my heart that I just cant understand. Hes really trying hard & its nice to see the girls happy....but Im still not feeling happy inside. I feel such a HUGE void & while I believe I still love him, I am not sure if it will ever be the same. While I was in church this morning I could hardly concentrate on what the priest had to say. I am going to give the marriage counseling a good "go" but I just dont know what will transpire. Perhaps the years of abuse have taken their toll? I dont know. I truly think I need to get on the antidepressant asap to help with the ups & downs. My emotions are so labile throughout the day...I can look in the mirror or be driving and all of a sudden...BOOM...I am sobbing!!! The only way I can describe it is feeling "hollow" & just such an immense void. It is like nothing I have ever experienced before. I am looking forward to seeing my counselor on Wed. She makes me feel so much better when I talk to her. I am also desperately trying to dig seep into my faith to help me through this. I was crying yesterday afternoon when nobody was home & was feeling quite despondent. I kept asking God to take the hurt away & I felt compelled to reach for the Bible for his response to me. I used to do that yrs ago...when I wanted God to speak to me, I would just close my eyes, flip through the pages & wherever my eyes landed was what I felt he wanted me to hear. Yesterday, was no different. when I opened the book this is what I read.
I opened it to Isaiah, Chapter 43...Promises of Redeption & Restoration.
"Fear not, for I have redeemed you: I have called you by name and you are mine.
When you pass through the water, I will be with you: in the rivers you shall not drown.
When you walk through fire, you shall not be burned: the flames will not consume you.
For I am the Lord your God, the holy one of Israel, your savior.
Because you are precious in my eyes and glorious and because I love you.
Fear not, for I am with you."
This passage was exactly what I needed to hear!! I am Catholic & feel that I have been a woman of faith all my life. My parents raised us to be good people & to rely on your faith always. I remember in 2000 our parish had a "Mission". they had a priest come in from Cleveland who conducted the mission & it was amazing!It was filled with many different facets of spirituality such as love, healing, forgiveness etc. There is a song called "You are mine" and they played it on one of the nights of the mission and I can remember telling God that anytime he wanted to get my attention, when I heard that song I would know that he is speaking to me personally. Every time I hear the song, it brings tears to my eyes because it has such a powerful meaning in my life. The words taken from this passage are the words in the song "you are mine". Coincidence? I think not. I know that God is going to help me through this difficult time. I know that I am "in the palm of his hand".I am holding on tight to my faith.....and my friends.
Well...I better go be productive. Thanks so much for listening.
Love you all!!!
Sherri
p.s Special thanks to Lisa for your touching life experience that you shared in your last post. ((HUG)) You truly are a strong woman!!! I know that I am too. I just have to find myself again.
Saturday, December 4, 2010
For my "peeps!"
Thanks girls for all your wonderful supportive posts. Your kind words bring tears to my eyes & it is so good to know that I have you all to sound off to. Even though I have never met any of you in person, I truly feel like I know you all by heart! You are all such a blessing to me!!!THANK YOU!!! THANK YOU!!! THANK YOU!!!!
I came home this morning to find a vase of roses on the kitchen counter for me. 3 red roses with some babys breath. It was lovely. He came up to me, handed them to me, gave me a hug & kiss & said that he was very sorry. I beleive that he is and I do believe that he wants to change & make this work.We have communicated better in the last 24 hrs than we have in years. I am still feeling sad & kind of weepy but am gonna go see my Dr next week for a little "happy pill" to take the edge off. I really think I need it. My sisters took me out this morning for breakfast & I have eaten pretty much just toast for the past week & I ate a ham & cheese omelette & some hash browns & all I can say is...I am paying for it with upset tummy & diarrhea now. Oh boy!!! Sorry if it is TMI. I think it was just way too much at one time, but I was hungry. Went to bed last night with my stomach growling so I was famished this am!!
Anyways, hope you are all doing great. Just trying to pull myself together. Im so tired!!!!
Love you all!!!
Sherri
I came home this morning to find a vase of roses on the kitchen counter for me. 3 red roses with some babys breath. It was lovely. He came up to me, handed them to me, gave me a hug & kiss & said that he was very sorry. I beleive that he is and I do believe that he wants to change & make this work.We have communicated better in the last 24 hrs than we have in years. I am still feeling sad & kind of weepy but am gonna go see my Dr next week for a little "happy pill" to take the edge off. I really think I need it. My sisters took me out this morning for breakfast & I have eaten pretty much just toast for the past week & I ate a ham & cheese omelette & some hash browns & all I can say is...I am paying for it with upset tummy & diarrhea now. Oh boy!!! Sorry if it is TMI. I think it was just way too much at one time, but I was hungry. Went to bed last night with my stomach growling so I was famished this am!!
Anyways, hope you are all doing great. Just trying to pull myself together. Im so tired!!!!
Love you all!!!
Sherri
Friday, December 3, 2010
Update..."Come to Jesus" moment!
Hello dear ones!
Well, I cried all the way home from work tonite and when hubby walked in the door, he saw me & asked what was wrong. I told him that his behavior is tearing me and our family apart & if he isnt willing to get help, that I am going to leave. I told him that his decision is the "breaking point" & that I am ready to hire an attorney for a divorce. We had a heart to heart and discussed things civilly & have decided to get some marraige counseling and he has agreed to attend anger management. We talked with the girls tonite & told them that our home is going to be more peaceful and that we are going to work hard to heal our marriage.
So we shall see how this transpires. I beleive that he does want to change and that perhaps there may be hope. My marriage has been broken for the past few yrs & we arent going to be singing kumbaya & making smores anytime soon.....but I do believe that progress has been made.
I am exhausted emotionally & physically. Going to lay in bed for a while now & just chill out. Thanks to eveyone for being my friends & listening.
Love ~
Sherri
Well, I cried all the way home from work tonite and when hubby walked in the door, he saw me & asked what was wrong. I told him that his behavior is tearing me and our family apart & if he isnt willing to get help, that I am going to leave. I told him that his decision is the "breaking point" & that I am ready to hire an attorney for a divorce. We had a heart to heart and discussed things civilly & have decided to get some marraige counseling and he has agreed to attend anger management. We talked with the girls tonite & told them that our home is going to be more peaceful and that we are going to work hard to heal our marriage.
So we shall see how this transpires. I beleive that he does want to change and that perhaps there may be hope. My marriage has been broken for the past few yrs & we arent going to be singing kumbaya & making smores anytime soon.....but I do believe that progress has been made.
I am exhausted emotionally & physically. Going to lay in bed for a while now & just chill out. Thanks to eveyone for being my friends & listening.
Love ~
Sherri
Thursday, December 2, 2010
Thank you!
Hey girls!
My apologies for being off topic here...I know I am supposed to be blogging about my BFC life but it seems my life feels like it is falling apart @ the seams lately & I am desperately trying to keep it all together....not doing a very good job @ it though.
Well, as I said in my comments on my last post in Blah blah blah, I am facing some huge emotional issues here @ home & some big decisions to make as to whether to stay or to go. My husband has anger issues that he refuses to acknowlege & although he has never physically hurt me or my children, the emotional scars are deep wounds. He refuses to get counseling and I know that after 17 yrs, I cannot change him, especially if he doesnt want to change. He yells ALOT!!! Most of the time...its over stupid stuff. The other night, he was yelling because my dtr had the phone, I went to turn the heat up cuz I was cold & he yelled @ me. He yelled from the time he got home from work...cant even tell you what else he was yelling about...its always dumb things that upset him. Anyways, I was laying in bed cuz I was cold & still not feeling good & starting crying. Decided that I just needed to get away & was gonna drive to my parents house & sleep overnite there to think & clear my head. My youngest dtr say my packed bag & asked me where I was going. I told her I was gonna sleep over Nanas & he overheard it, came out to the kitchen & yelled asking me why? I said I am tired of the yelling & I needed to clear my head. He then proceeded to yell, telling me that he is going to move out & he will give me the peace that I have been looking for. as usual, I start saying "no, you stay & I'll go" . He grabs his coat & out the door he goes. I continue to tell him to stay & he leaves. Once again, I am left to feel like the bad guy. He has a way of manipulatling us & twisting every situation to look like its our fault....because its NEVER his fault. I texted him to come home so we could talk. He called me & said "what do you want?!" I said "come home & we can talk". He did & I could barely muster the enrgy to speak. I told him that I am tired of the yelling & that he needs to get help for his anger issues. (I have been telling him this for yrs.) He refuses to go to counseling & refuses to get help for his anger. We are constantly on guard to watch what we say as little things can piss him off easily. I find myself saying to my girls things like "now dont do this...or dont do that cuz you dont want to get him mad". The saddest part of this whole situation....this has gone on for many years. It has been the "norm" & I have justified his behavior for a very long time!! I went to see a counselor yesterday & I told her my story & after 15 minutes she said to me "why do you stay"? & I said "for security". She then said to me "you are emotionally battered & need to get out" This is not a healthy relationship for you and your girls & it is destroying you". I felt like I got hit by a 2x4 to the head when she said that! She said to me "why are you apologizing for his behavior?" I thought "OMG...I do that all the time & dont even realize I am doing it". There was so much more said, way too much to tell here.....but I am trying my best to figure this out & plan my next steps. She recommended getting legal advice as well as some abuse counseling. I will also see her again next week. I can have 6 sessions for free with her & she is really a great counselor. She makes me feel good & is heping me to see clarity. The one thing that he does is that after HE gets angry he usually tries to lay a guilt trip on us & then will "punish" us by ignoring us or giving us the cold shoulder. I remember one time my daughter (14 yr old) made him mad about something re: to her softball....I think it was practincing or something dumb like that.....anyways, he didnt talk to her for DAYS because he was so angry @ her. There are so many other instances....oh my goodness....so many!!! Like last yr, for my birthday I suggested we go take a day trip to go shopping & then go to lunch for my bday & he told me " I would rather gouge my eyes out with spoons then spend the day shopping". Nice huh? That made me cry & to this day still cuts me like a knife!! Then 2 weeks later, I needed a D&C because I was hemorrhaging to death & I called him from the Drs office & told him that because I had eaten, I had to have my surgery the following day (Sat) & that I would need a ride to the hospital & his first response was " You are gonna have to figure something out because I have games to officiate that day". I called my mother sobbing. She said she would take me. I cried, and cried & cried that day. Came home to find him sitting in the chair. My mother had called him & in her kind way Im sure, told him what she thought. He called & cancelled his plans & said he was going to take me to the hospital but I didnt want him there. I can keep going on & on...but I wont. I have ignored this for far too long & I know that I need to take action but it is almost paralyzing to think about it. I never wanted a divorce! I live in a nice house....I have a good job. Im educated...this kind of thing doesnt happen to people like me? but as I am seeing...it does. (sigh) I just cant believe it.
So here I sit, scared....feeling broken & not believing that this is happening to me. She told me that these things happen to nice, educated people. She told me Im not crazy, not making a mountain out of a mole hill & that this is NOT how someone who loves you treats you. I am emotionally exhausted!!! I dont want my kids to be screwed up but unfortunately they are already victims of this abuse because this is the norm of their life. He doesnt see anything wrong with his behavior & ALWAYS turns it around to make me feel like it is MY fault & not his. That is so hard to deal with because after a while, you believe it & then I find myself apologizing to him. It happens every time.
I am losing weight rapidly....I am down 7# since this past Sat (down to 203.5 as of today)& I cant help it. Food doesnt taste good & I am nauseated all the time. I get this way when I am upset or my "nerves" act up & I know it isnt the way to lose weight but I honestly cant control it. I just feel sick!!! I have wonderful friends & family who support me & I am grateful for that. My sisters & girlfriends have been telling me for the past few yrs that I am crazy for staying. I havent said anything to my parents...I think it would devastate them although deep down, I think they too know the truth. I am afraid to be on my own & living the rest of my life alone. I want to be happy again...I want my joy back. I want to be loved. But its not all about me...I have daughters involved who I worry may think this is acceptable for a man to treat them this way. How have I allowed this to happen?? I am so embarrassed, so sad, so scared!! Please please pray for me to find the strength & courage & wisdom to make the right decisions I know we are all cyber girlfriends but I am thankful for each one of you!!! You are great listeners!!! Sorry this was such a long post.
Love to you all!!!
Sherri
My apologies for being off topic here...I know I am supposed to be blogging about my BFC life but it seems my life feels like it is falling apart @ the seams lately & I am desperately trying to keep it all together....not doing a very good job @ it though.
Well, as I said in my comments on my last post in Blah blah blah, I am facing some huge emotional issues here @ home & some big decisions to make as to whether to stay or to go. My husband has anger issues that he refuses to acknowlege & although he has never physically hurt me or my children, the emotional scars are deep wounds. He refuses to get counseling and I know that after 17 yrs, I cannot change him, especially if he doesnt want to change. He yells ALOT!!! Most of the time...its over stupid stuff. The other night, he was yelling because my dtr had the phone, I went to turn the heat up cuz I was cold & he yelled @ me. He yelled from the time he got home from work...cant even tell you what else he was yelling about...its always dumb things that upset him. Anyways, I was laying in bed cuz I was cold & still not feeling good & starting crying. Decided that I just needed to get away & was gonna drive to my parents house & sleep overnite there to think & clear my head. My youngest dtr say my packed bag & asked me where I was going. I told her I was gonna sleep over Nanas & he overheard it, came out to the kitchen & yelled asking me why? I said I am tired of the yelling & I needed to clear my head. He then proceeded to yell, telling me that he is going to move out & he will give me the peace that I have been looking for. as usual, I start saying "no, you stay & I'll go" . He grabs his coat & out the door he goes. I continue to tell him to stay & he leaves. Once again, I am left to feel like the bad guy. He has a way of manipulatling us & twisting every situation to look like its our fault....because its NEVER his fault. I texted him to come home so we could talk. He called me & said "what do you want?!" I said "come home & we can talk". He did & I could barely muster the enrgy to speak. I told him that I am tired of the yelling & that he needs to get help for his anger issues. (I have been telling him this for yrs.) He refuses to go to counseling & refuses to get help for his anger. We are constantly on guard to watch what we say as little things can piss him off easily. I find myself saying to my girls things like "now dont do this...or dont do that cuz you dont want to get him mad". The saddest part of this whole situation....this has gone on for many years. It has been the "norm" & I have justified his behavior for a very long time!! I went to see a counselor yesterday & I told her my story & after 15 minutes she said to me "why do you stay"? & I said "for security". She then said to me "you are emotionally battered & need to get out" This is not a healthy relationship for you and your girls & it is destroying you". I felt like I got hit by a 2x4 to the head when she said that! She said to me "why are you apologizing for his behavior?" I thought "OMG...I do that all the time & dont even realize I am doing it". There was so much more said, way too much to tell here.....but I am trying my best to figure this out & plan my next steps. She recommended getting legal advice as well as some abuse counseling. I will also see her again next week. I can have 6 sessions for free with her & she is really a great counselor. She makes me feel good & is heping me to see clarity. The one thing that he does is that after HE gets angry he usually tries to lay a guilt trip on us & then will "punish" us by ignoring us or giving us the cold shoulder. I remember one time my daughter (14 yr old) made him mad about something re: to her softball....I think it was practincing or something dumb like that.....anyways, he didnt talk to her for DAYS because he was so angry @ her. There are so many other instances....oh my goodness....so many!!! Like last yr, for my birthday I suggested we go take a day trip to go shopping & then go to lunch for my bday & he told me " I would rather gouge my eyes out with spoons then spend the day shopping". Nice huh? That made me cry & to this day still cuts me like a knife!! Then 2 weeks later, I needed a D&C because I was hemorrhaging to death & I called him from the Drs office & told him that because I had eaten, I had to have my surgery the following day (Sat) & that I would need a ride to the hospital & his first response was " You are gonna have to figure something out because I have games to officiate that day". I called my mother sobbing. She said she would take me. I cried, and cried & cried that day. Came home to find him sitting in the chair. My mother had called him & in her kind way Im sure, told him what she thought. He called & cancelled his plans & said he was going to take me to the hospital but I didnt want him there. I can keep going on & on...but I wont. I have ignored this for far too long & I know that I need to take action but it is almost paralyzing to think about it. I never wanted a divorce! I live in a nice house....I have a good job. Im educated...this kind of thing doesnt happen to people like me? but as I am seeing...it does. (sigh) I just cant believe it.
So here I sit, scared....feeling broken & not believing that this is happening to me. She told me that these things happen to nice, educated people. She told me Im not crazy, not making a mountain out of a mole hill & that this is NOT how someone who loves you treats you. I am emotionally exhausted!!! I dont want my kids to be screwed up but unfortunately they are already victims of this abuse because this is the norm of their life. He doesnt see anything wrong with his behavior & ALWAYS turns it around to make me feel like it is MY fault & not his. That is so hard to deal with because after a while, you believe it & then I find myself apologizing to him. It happens every time.
I am losing weight rapidly....I am down 7# since this past Sat (down to 203.5 as of today)& I cant help it. Food doesnt taste good & I am nauseated all the time. I get this way when I am upset or my "nerves" act up & I know it isnt the way to lose weight but I honestly cant control it. I just feel sick!!! I have wonderful friends & family who support me & I am grateful for that. My sisters & girlfriends have been telling me for the past few yrs that I am crazy for staying. I havent said anything to my parents...I think it would devastate them although deep down, I think they too know the truth. I am afraid to be on my own & living the rest of my life alone. I want to be happy again...I want my joy back. I want to be loved. But its not all about me...I have daughters involved who I worry may think this is acceptable for a man to treat them this way. How have I allowed this to happen?? I am so embarrassed, so sad, so scared!! Please please pray for me to find the strength & courage & wisdom to make the right decisions I know we are all cyber girlfriends but I am thankful for each one of you!!! You are great listeners!!! Sorry this was such a long post.
Love to you all!!!
Sherri
Wednesday, December 1, 2010
a whole lot of blah blah blah....
Good morning! Sorry I have been off the radar lately....lots going on here @ home.... Overwhelming sadness over some marital & life issues & just trying to cope & figure out how to work through them or if I want to. Please pray for me for peace & guidance & clarity in my next steps.
I am down to the lowest weight I have seen on the scale in 6 yrs!!! Scale said this morning I am 204.5!!!! I had to get on twice to see if it was true. Anyways, really not hungry at all lately & it is an effort to eat. I know, how crazy is that?!!! I have not been following BFC since Sat....nothing sounds good to me and I am just eating to silence the rumbles.
Please know that I havent forgotten my friends....just trying to work through some things here.
Love & Hugs
Sherri
I am down to the lowest weight I have seen on the scale in 6 yrs!!! Scale said this morning I am 204.5!!!! I had to get on twice to see if it was true. Anyways, really not hungry at all lately & it is an effort to eat. I know, how crazy is that?!!! I have not been following BFC since Sat....nothing sounds good to me and I am just eating to silence the rumbles.
Please know that I havent forgotten my friends....just trying to work through some things here.
Love & Hugs
Sherri
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)