Hey there Skinny Girls!!
I was thinking of what I wanted to write about tonight and thought I would share a real life changing event for me that happened about 12 years ago but it was instrumental in my weight loss.
I remember it vividly! In Dec of 1998, my husbands cousin Jack had open heart at the age of 53. He ended up dying on the table. It was so tragic! I had just had my daughter Rachel Nov 16th and it must have been around Dec 10th that Jack died. Anyways, I remember going to his funeral for the viewing. I remember I wore a beige sweater that covered my belly because it was still so jello-y from just having a baby 3 weeks prior and a pair of beige stir up pants with elastic waist. Even though Jacks passing was a tragedy, I was excited to wear this outfit because it was the first time I left the house not dressed in maternity clothing. Anyways, I had to drive about 1/2 hr to the funeral home. I got there and payed my respects. My husbands cousin Rosalie (sorry to our Rosalie ...you are nothing like this Rosalie!!) who is about 4'10" and about 98# soaking wet came up to me and said, and I quote.."You are such a pretty girl, if you would just lose some weight you would be so much prettier". I was speechless.!! I got in my car and sobbed the entire way home. I was so hurt!! Dont skinny people know that us chubby girls are VERY AWARE of how we look and we are self concious about it? I mean, I just had a baby for heavens sake! I remember thinking to myself, "Im gonna show her...Im gonna get skinny"! I vowed that the next year, I would have a family portrait taken of us for Christmas and I would make sure Rosalie got the first one!! Well, it fueled my fire and I was a woman on a mission and I did exactly what I set out to do!!! It took me an entire year but I lost 52# in 1999. I went from 218# down to 166# and OMG I had palpable AND visible collarbones and I was sporting a size 10/12 (depending on who made it). By my standards, I was skinny for once in my life!! I will never forget it, Ole Rosalie sent us a christmas card that year and made a comment on how wonderful I looked & how thin I had gotten. A proud moment indeed where I said to myself...Mission accomplished! I maintained the weight loss for about a year, then steadily started gaining again. So where am I going with this??? I dont remember!! HAHA! No...Just kidding! I feel like I have been a ship lost at sea for so many years. I have been out in the ocean floating searching and searching for that port but never found it. I tried diet after diet after diet for years, only to get discouraged and disappointed when I failed at it. But this year, this time, I feel like I have found the lighthouse and my port is finally waiting for me to arrive!!! Even though I havent had anyone say something as mean as what my husbands cousin said to me that day in Dec of '99, I feel that same fire and excitement again that this is truly going ot be my year!! I feel HOPE again...I havent had HOPE in such a long time. I feel like I have a course mapped out, a plan...FINALLY!! Im not wandering aimlessly anymore! I have a purpose and a goal....and my ship is FINALLY coming in!! I feel it in my heart. I cant even begin to tell you how good it feels! I am going to have another family portrait taken in November and it will be our christmas card this year....and I am gonna look better than I have ever looked!!
I was talking to my sister yesterday(who is also my WW weight loss buddy) and I told her I feel different this time around. Before, I wouldnt think a thing about popping something in my mouth and justifying that it was ok. Now I am asking myself the question " what is more important to you...Eating this particular food or seeing the scale go down and getting into a smaller size?" I have been choosing the latter of the two when I ask myself that question. It is such a change of thinking for me!
Sorry that this was such a long post. I dont know what inspired me to write this but I felt I needed to share it with you. I have lived 2/3 of my life overweight and I dont want to live any more of my life this way!!
Well, I have rambled quite a bit here so I will say goodnite & sleep tight! Have a great day tomorrow!!
Thanks for listening.....
Love & belief!